Escritora Frustrada: How to avoid panic if you have a teenager at home

Friday, December 13, 2013

How to avoid panic if you have a teenager at home

Since they are small , many parents are already thinking about how to be their children 's adolescence . This stage of life is becoming the terror of the parents. And although it is a difficult period to be faced in the same way that childhood or old age, is not to go crazy . However, it is better to be prepared , " because as has positive and important things , also presents difficulties for which you have to understand what is happening, but not paranoia , so you can make a sensible and intelligent accompaniment ," says psychologist María Elena López , who together with the journalist and writer Alejandra Gafaro wrote the book " a teenager at home."

Why are so difficult relationships between parents and adolescents?
Dads are surprised because that child is someone else, comes from being a sweet and docile boy and a confrontational , very quiet man appears, that one day is happy and soon completely apathetic. And parents take it all staff.
Is it more difficult to deal with a teenager today ?
Yes , because you changed the parent -child relationship. Before it was clear the role of authority, now do not know who 's the Boss . This change makes the parents are puzzled and do not know how to handle situations .
Also because the parents are in another stage of life between 40 and 50 years , and they are also things are happening : their relationship changes, are defining their career and also need time for them.
There are new elements that exasperated parents : the phone, the Internet , social networks , how to handle ?
True, the use of social networks much anguish the parents , as they have the same management technology, and that creates distance .
Second, there is a lot of fear on the part of parents to their management : things wonder like spend time online , if you have an addiction, if there is any kind of abuse , whether bullying feel that you can leave them in control, but they can not intervene much respect.
Are teenagers today are different ?
Yes , there are many more questioning , more sense of criticism and know more about the world . Thus, evaluated more than is right and what not and they say , including the behavior of their parents.
Does it affect this the desire of parents to be friends with your children?
That is the new paradigm between parents and children . Previously, the role of the father was clearer and exercised : provider , authority, discipline. Now, psychology and pedagogy has sought a more horizontal relationship , more on the same level , which puts parents in a different , less empowered place . In friendship there can be no scolding , no limits or penalties; parents are more concerned about protecting the relationship of friends, being nearby , not to fight , to exercise and set boundaries, discipline and educate.
Is the subject of sex is now facing early?
Yes, sexual activity appears earlier. Now sexuality is closely linked to the issue of technology and social networks: more porn, extreme sex networks , photo sharing ... They are also guys who do not use protection and hence the increase in cases of AIDS and teen pregnancy.
The issue of homosexuality is open and visible , how is handled with teenagers?
With all the key issues , parents should take charge, do not be left alone . Dads tend to be very aware there until 12 years of age and adolescence loose because they believe there are more mature and independent, but there is no doubt that at that stage they still need their parents' attention , feel the intelligent accompaniment, protection, be welcomed . So you have to make them feel that they are attentive and eye on them .
Many parents wonder how far drop.
You have to be flexible because they are changing and you need to adjust the rules . But not relativize , not that anything goes. Parents are the ones who ultimately make the determination , still mark the north. The teenager is testing , is constructed and its identity, so you have to be coherent and consistent. Parents continue to be your guide.
Are there more cases of depression ?
Yes, there is a lot of pressure at this time of all kinds : social networks, how many followers I have , who answered me ... Followers express it or not , is terrified of violence : the theft. I do not say that the teen is supposed to be risky and emboldened . There is also very lonely , because there are very absent parents , either by separation or because it even still there are distant , or lack of time. There is more pressure to be beautiful, slim , successful, popular.
At this stage fights between parents and children and between siblings are common. How do you avoid or deal with them ?
According to experts , you should be able to adjust the rules are , but firmly. "We must change the way the fulfillment of the rules is required. The shouts do not work and instead deteriorate the relationship , "says Maria Elena Lopez. The best is the negotiation and conciliation agreements in terms of win-win . "Parents should know which battles to give care authority and not wear it ," adds Lopez.

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